he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
