he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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