so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
