Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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