we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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