I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
