a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
