"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
