i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
