Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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