...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
