She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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