he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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