yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
