I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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