I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
