I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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