he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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