I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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