well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
