I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
