Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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