They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
