my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
