Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
