Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
