i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
