He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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