I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
