did you get engaged???
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up under a house in Key West
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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