The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
