You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
