He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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