Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
