she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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