I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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