My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
