idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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