Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
