just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
