don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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