you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
