I want to stick my p in your. b.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
