My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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