is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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