i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
