Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
