I just made out with a guy for $7.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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