What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
