he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
